THE ADVOCATE EDITORIAL

by David Goodstein

The relationship between the genders is often referred to as "the war between the sexes." That expression was not coined to describe the relationship between lesbians and gay men; war is not an accurate description of our interaction. Among many gay people-especially those who are not political activists or who do not live in the big cities-the relationship between lesbians and gay men is warm, loving, caring and sociable.

Furthermore, where there is conflict, the mood on both sides is more often one of fear rather than anger. Feminists have made a big issue of women's fear of assault and rape. That fear is real and valid. But it is equally true that domestic quarrels are notoriously vicious, and that women also become angry and violent. What has received little attention is the fear that many men have of women. Many of us gay men were intimidated by and feared our mothers, and-by extension-other women. A very common attitude of gay male insecurity was created by our being bullied as children by girls and women, as well as by boys and men. Despite carefully designed macho drag and the best efforts of CBS News, gay men are not famous for being violent.

The same cannot be said about the stereotype of lesbians. My experience of militant lesbian activists is that they frequently behave agressively. It is difficult for me to love them. During the ten years that I have been an activist, I've seen most of us gay men allow lesbians to play on the guilt we gays learned at our mothers' kneesdespite our best efforts to satisfy militant lesbian demands. After my latest encounter with my militant "sisters," I have concluded that the only way we men could satisfy their vengefulness would be to commit suicide. And a simple,quick death would not suffice. We'd have to die slowly and painfuly to atone for the sins of the women's fathers, brothers and former husbands,

Gay male leaders have accommodated every specific lesbian feminist request we could manage out of our meager resources. In return, more often than not we've received anger, blame and increasingly outlandish demands. Whenever we ask the militant separatists to support us in some concrete way-for instance, to assist us in presenting a co-sexual presence somewhere-our militant "sisters" turn on us in fury over our sexuality. Whatever they do must be separate.

The lesbian separatists' message has finally penetrated this man's consciousness. I hear and understand that they hate all men. As far as I'm concerned, they can stay separate as long as they like. They're also welcome to join us as equals whenever they choose. To do so, they will need to participate instead of just complaining. They'll need to contribute some time, energy and effort instead of just making demands. It would also help if they put as much attention on getting the job done as they do on use of language. I am perfectly happy to learn non-sexist word usage, but that is not what life is all about.

The most tragic impact of militant separatism falls on the lesbians who do not hate men and who do want to cooperate with us. I have actually witnessed militant separatists refuse a diabetic sister her insulin in order to make her change her vote on an issue. I have seen militants physically assault moderate women on more than one occasion. If a lesbian dares to do or say anything that these amazons believe is not "politically correct, "she has good cause to fear for her life and limb. It is not surprising that many lesbians are afraid to join lesbian groups. Women in our culture have many legitimate complaints. They are certainly entitled to equal rights of every kind. Everything should be done to create oportunities for them, including special efforts to train women for better jobs. If a woman wants to work, she must have marketable skills-ones that are in demand. I have never known employers to hire someone who they find frightening or disgusting. When a prospective woman employee presents herself as man-hating, angry, resentful, insecure and unskilled, she won't get the job. If she wants to play tough diesel dyke on her own time, that's fine. But at work she'll have to play by the same rules as everyone else, rules usually set by the boss. As a community, we gay men can assist lesbians in acquiring marketable skills. We cannot change their pasts.

There is a myth that we gay people-along with women-are treated as second-class citizens because we give agreement to white Anglo-Saxon Protestant men. Look around. We create our own image,white Anglo-Saxon Protestant men give agreement to it. If we present ourselves as second-rate, angry and separatist, we will get agreement from society.

Why is Phyllis Schlafly credible? Why do women fight the ERA? There are many reasons, but among them is the fact that most women do not hate men. Militant feminists-separatist or otherwise-have not convinced American women that their fathers, brothers, husbands and sons are their oppressors. Most women recognize the humanity of men. It might work better for militant separatist lesbians to begin doing the same.

Enjoy The ADVOCATE! David Goodstein

'Opening Space', The Advocate, Commentary by David Goodstein

DEMAND & COMPLAIN

"...Militant lesbian feminists are replacing the warm, loving and caring relationship between gay men and lesbians with one of fear, anger and resentment..."

by Thomas Hudson

Unfortunately, Mr Goodstein's editorial comments in the nationally distributed ADVOCATE apply in our area as well. Growing Denver may already qualify as one of the "big cities" to which he refers, and activists and vocal militant lesbians are replacing the warm loving caring and sociable relationship between gay men and women with one of fear, anger and resentment.

Item: More and more lesbian demands for control of and admission to traditional gay men's events, places and functions.

Item: The lesbian demands for the Gay Community Center of Colorado to immediately hire a woman cocoordinator when less than 20% of its members were women; to establish a separate fund to be controlled by lesbians only, and their other demands that have resulted in only one coordinatorfemale-a name change, alienation of many gay male members, and no one predicting when or where it will all end.

Item: Demands to deposit GCCC funds in the Feminist Federal Credit Union which folded and tied up monies at a critical time in the growth of the Center.

Item: The lesbians who resorted to physical violence when they did not approve the brand of beer being served at a Gay Pride week function in 1978.

Item: The lesbian group who continue to indignantly shout insults at transvestites but demand their right to wear men's jeans, shirts and boots, as they flaunt their 'macho" image.

Item:Robin Tyler at a Community Center benefit haranguing "the only good thing about you gay men is that you have each other" to the thunderous applause of the lesbians in the audience.

Why have these things happened in our community? As Goodstein observes, too many gay men have allowed the lesbian militants to play on the guilt we learned at our mother's knees. We don't need shouting lesbians or self-appointed anti-sexists to cause additional guilt feelings for not wanting to accommodate every outlandish feminist demand. We want to keep some places and times where we can feel comfortable without fear of being "put down" for being a gay male.

Goodstein's feeling that suicide would be the only cont. on next page

A NEW SCRIPT

"... We've seen the drama played many times on the stage of life. Man Woman, with shields locked in mortal combat. How do we rewrite the script?..."

by Bobbi Furer

Burning Questions. I just plucked out that book title from a file cabinet in my mind because it seemed to reflect my present state of consciousness. If I had a ledger sheet where questions were debits and answers were credits, I would surely be in the red. What has stirred up this provocative thinking in me was David Goodstein's editorial in a recent issue of The Advocate. It concerned itself with the author's feelings about militant separatist lesbians, his personal relations with them during his ten years as an activist and his subsequent understanding that "they hate all men." This understanding led to this final declaration, "as far as I'm concerned, they can stay separate as long as they like. They're also welcome to join us as equals whenver they choose."

Surely, any of us could write the scenario from this. particular outline because we've seen the drama played many times on the stage of life. Man Woman with shields and swords locked in mortal combat. Ho, hum. Pardon my yawn. I just think it's time we rewrite the script. The question is, HOW?

Maybe we could start by examining just one issue that creates conflict. SEX! (I don't believe in beating around the bush.) Often, I think this one issue is at the core of all the others. Have you noticed that the sexual practices of gay men and lesbians are different? (That is my most brilliant deduction to date.) Conflict erupts when the differences are not accepted. In the editorial cited, Goodstein speaks about asking the "militant separatists" to help present a co-sexual presence somewhere, and, in his words, "our militant 'sisters' turn on us in fury over our sexuality." I wonder if a clearer understanding of how the brain functions would alter this conflict.

In the May, 1980, issue of Brain-Mind Bulletin, I read about a recent study conducted on subjective sexual experience. According to the study, women were having more profound altered states of consciousness while having sex than men. Whey they had orgasms. women reported floating sensations, loss of body awareness, a sense of oneness with the sexual partner, and a sense of cosmic unity. In order to have these experiences, one's attention has to be highly focused during sexual activity. This requires time. Many of our gay brothers are able to have "quickies" in the park, in bath houses, etc., and as a woman, I am sometimes envious of their "pause that refreshes." Perhaps there are reasons for these differences. The article suggests a neurobiological basis for the differences. A woman's sexual activity seems to be controlled by the cerecont. on next page

24.

25